Between You & Me (2015)
i guess i was happy with the answer. although now i’m not sure what was the point of asking that question. everything is oddly disjointed at this moment, but the only thing that made sense to me was how it didn’t really matter where i was going or what any of those strings of conversations were about, it made me realise that every piece of a puzzle on its own is as useless as another without uncovering or imagining the whole. there can be no bigger picture after 3 acts, 4 acts or 100. somethings are left scattered and seemingly pointless, without life, unless i’m thinking of a possibility as to how things are all connected. there is no meaning that can be understood from the bigger picture, seeing that i can’t witness it at any one point of time, it’s what little sense that can be made from the microscopic moments that i’ll have to make do with.
The room is oddly familiar. on account that the everyday, objects that i find at home, seem properly in its right place. Yet they are without colour, without character, maybe even without life. As if detached from a reality i would have hoped to share.
between these objects and my memory of it, dissonance looms. a few minutes later there is a voice, someone attempting to make contact with an other, but i only hear one voice, as if i were cut off from the dialogue, granted the opportunity to only listen in to one party’s line. it feels, voyeuristic. the person does not know that he is being listened. or surveilled? almost too clinical. who am i? what am i doing here? why is the person only asking questions? there is more acknowledgment than there is a serious conversation. maybe someone is surveilling me. but i am not acknowledged. or maybe i am. in codes. i cannot find the logic to this space i’m in. nothing makes sense. the room is no longer as familiar as i had thought it was. this is not what i had thought it to be. what is this?
a man enters, in brightly coloured robes, asking me to follow him. i follow. i am lead to vehicle of sorts, with what appears to be chaise longue built inside it. i was in therapy years ago and was released on account that clinically, i’m cured. somehow, maybe this is a dream, a moment in my past i’m recalling. maybe i missed a detail of sorts. but, i can’t be too sure. there’s a driver and he seems to be in conversation with someone. he stops the call and asks me where i’m going. this vehicle is fascinating and i find difficulty answering his question. what’s the point? if it’s a dream i’m not in control of, i rather be driven. anywhere is fine, let’s see how this ends. we have a conversation about home, about running away and missing it. it resonates with me, seeing that i have longed to leave and not turn back, but never had the courage seeing it was difficult to abandon life as i had known it. what is it about life as i know it? what’s it worth?
we continue exchanging philosophical thoughts, meandering going nowhere, like this ride, but occasionally he picks up a call from someone, some other person who keeps asking about his future plans and next destination. i’m not sure, but the driver seems to have a very concerned friend. concerned about nothing, the conversations do not seem to go anywhere. but i’m eavesdropping and for this i feel terrible. at the same time, neglected. stuck on this chair, on this ride to somewhere i suppose, with a conversation that’s never concluding and someone who seems eager to conclude a conversation. and somehow, we’ve arrived at the destination. maybe not my destination, but we’ve arrived, somewhere. i can’t complain, it did feel like therapy. not the wisest man, but wise enough to know some things aren’t worth digging.
i enter another room, strangely familiar. a phone sitting on a desk in the middle of the room. there’s a small sign which says, “ask a question and do not stop asking till you’re happy with an answer.” i pick up the phone and on the other line, a familiar voice. at that moment, everything’s settling in. the driver. i was just with him. i ask him, “where are you going now?” and i hear him telling me of some place i’ve never been, but maybe would go if i had the time next year. we kept talking, but i felt i was depriving him of company since he was talking to someone else about our conversation.